These Two Things Hurt More Than Ghosting… Don’t Ever Let Them Happen To You!

You’ve heard of “ghosting” — right? But you’ve probably never heard of “simmering” and “icing”. Am I right?

First off, for those lucky few who do not know a teeny, tiny, anything about ghosting; never heard of it, never experienced it, or just never understood it fully — it’s when someone simply stops replying to you after literally exchanging hundreds of texts just yesterday. It’s someone saying “bye”, without actually saying it. They just disappear into thin air. They’re just gone, and you won’t find them anywhere. 

Sound harsh? No, wait until you hear the next two!

“Simmering”

Simmering. Now this is interesting, guys, because you’re probably doing it and you’re not even aware of it. You’re doing it, or it’s being done to you, and you have absolutely no idea. Simmering is when you let something with somebody cook. You know there’s a little fire, but you’re not sure if you want to continue with it.

Do you want it to be a spark? Do you want it to be a full blown hot flame? You don’t quite know yet. In real life it goes somewhat along the lines of, “Oh, I would love to see you but I’m going to be busy this entire week… So why don’t we just check in with each other again maybe next week? It’s sort of like saying: “I have nothing to give you yet, but I don’t want you to go away. I don’t want you gone from my life. I want a comfortable distance” — and you simmer!

“Icing”

Icing is basically when someone sends you a signal saying: “It’s not a good moment for me to be in a relationship right now. Don’t get me wrong, I like you — but I’m unavailable.” And what does it sound like in real life? Well, something like this: “My schedule is super crazy right now, so I won’t be able to meet you. Can’t wait to hang out, though, once my schedule frees up!”

You might think it’s somewhat like simmering… Yes, I got that too, at first. But the difference is that icing is more ambiguous. You don’t give a specific answer. You don’t set a specific date. You kind of just leave them hanging, but you still leave them holding on somewhat.

So, you might wonder why I’m explaining these three different terms to you… Well, I want you to know that while you cannot save yourself from being ghosted, iced, or simmered online — just take care of yourself out there! 

You can actually limit the amount of shock, disappointment, and maybe even pain, before these things happen to you. Because there’s a way for us to sense these things. We can sense if someone is just there casually, and we can know if someone is just not that into us!

What Are The Obvious Signs?

So, at first you notice that they don’t maintain consistent communication. And hey — you don’t have to be messaged 24/7. You don’t even have to be messaged every single day! You just somehow, some way, let them know: “Hey, I didn’t forget about you! You are in my mind.” After all, when you truly like someone, you talk to them, you tell them your day, you show them funny videos, or you tag them in memes for crying out loud! It doesn’t matter how you do it because, really, it sends the same signal! It comes naturally.

Second, you might notice they’re more after sex, or going on dates. Now this one’s pretty simple. Does he plan dates, or just call at 12a.m. asking if you’re free to hang out right that moment? Does he bother getting to know more about you, or are the topics 100% about sex? After a while, you’ll start to notice a pattern.

Third, they avoid “future talk”. And by this, I don’t mean super serious things. I’m not talking here  about kids or family — what I mean here is that they avoid discussing the status of your relationship. Basically, you have no clue where you stand, and they like to keep it that way.

I refuse to turn a blind eye to these things! This is reality. And as a coach who cares for you — it is my job to help you!