These days, it’s commonplace for people to work longer hours, which in turn means: more and more time spent in the office (for some, at least).
Studies and surveys reveal that at least a quarter of all working professionals have confessed to dating a colleague at some point in their lives.
If this is something that’s been on your mind, you may be wondering how to move forward…
Let’s be real: your office is not exactly a bar for singles, and there’s a very fine line between becoming a “boyfriend” or a “girlfriend” and becoming a total “weirdo” in the corporate world.
To ensure that you come out of this situation with both your heart and your career intact, here are 10 Ground Rules (or tips) if You’re Thinking About Dating A Colleague:
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First Get into The Friend Zone
If you want to avoid being a creep, don’t ask questions to other colleagues regarding someone’s relationship status. That just feels like downright inappropriate behaviour. Rather start by casually chatting to that person when you’re making a coffee, or while waiting for a meeting to start.
When it comes to relationships with colleagues, you need to first create a solid friendship base on which to build off.
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Make Sure They’re Single
So, an obvious factor is to find out their relationship status. Well, you can start by simply looking around. A ring on a finger is an obvious indicator, but photos on someone’s desk or workspace can also be clues as to whether a person is taken or not. If you’re friendly enough to have them as a friend on Facebook or follow them on Instagram, you’ll probably find photos of their significant other there, too.
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Make Sure You Have The Same Definition of “Single”
So, your dream colleague told you that she’s single? Not so quickly. First, you need to make sure you understand what that means. Consider these scenarios: maybe they’re single but not divorced; maybe they’re separated but not sharing this detail with you. The fact is, you could be totally okay with that. But you need to get everything out in the open straight off the bat in order to avoid a potential blow-up that could negatively impact your work life at a later stage.
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Don’t Date Your Boss (And Vice Versa)
Your safest bet for a partner is a colleague who is on your own organisational level. Whatever you do: Just don’t date your boss! Employees who date their organisational superiors get largely negative coworker reactions. They are more likely to be deceived by coworkers, distrusted, and gossiped about.
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Get in There with A Lunch Date
Are you ready to make your move? Well, let’s not forget the humble lunch date. Plan it for the following day – or a few days later – and make sure it’s at a sit-down restaurant. This way, it’s still a date, but it’s nothing overly intense.
A nice lunch allows the opportunity for conversation about things each of you enjoys — and a chance to find out if you have any interests that overlap.
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Hold Back A Bit
Jumping into things too quickly – both physically and emotionally – can be a recipe for a disastrous office breakup. If both of you are open to exploring the possibility of a relationship together, think about everything in slow motion.
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Weigh Up The Pros and Cons
Before you get serious, take out some real time to think. Is this person really worth potentially making things slightly uncomfortable for you? In an ideal world, everything will work out; but if things start to fizzle down to just a quick fling, keep in mind that you’ll have to see this person every day — and still need to act professional doing so.
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Always Stay A Good Co-Worker
If you do actually get to the point of dating, keep your romantic arguments and drama out of the workplace. One of the most common complaints employees have about their coworkers dating is that fights sometimes spill over into office life, and end up disrupting work.
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Be Aware of Your Other Colleagues
Even if you think your coworkers are not bothered about your new relationship, the truth is that they still might be. Be prepared for them to be less open and honest with you, or even possibly to trust you less for whatever reasons they may have.
Try to deflect their emotions by not showing some sense of favouritism toward your partner — and also not accepting any favouritism from them. Perceptions of injustice drive coworker deception and other negative responses, so trying to avoid the appearance of preferential treatment can prevent many problems.
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Keep Things Outside The Office
Important: keep your flirting and quality time outside the office! Full stop. Yes, this means being on your best behaviour during corporate happy hours, group lunches, and daily coffee breaks too.
